On April 1st, Primate - ever the innovators in workplace practices - will be launching a new six day working week in order to boost productivity, revenue, and profit.
An inspired idea
Managing Partner and money goblin, Gordon McLachlan, describes how the idea struck him one weekend.
“I was trapped at home with my family on a Saturday,” he says, “when I saw a report on my phone about how introducing a four-day working week boosted productivity in certain companies. So I thought to myself, ‘if that's what happens when people work less, imagine what would happen if people worked, y’know, more?’”
When asked if employees would get paid for the six days, Gordon looked aghast. “Of course not! They get paid for five days to work four in other businesses, so we’re simply following the trend. We’ve got profit margins to think about, after all.”
Fully-flexible, autonomous, remote working
Technical Director and innovation guru, Bart Oleszczyk, put a lot of thought into creating a flexible environment to accommodate the horrendous new working arrangement.
“Flexibility has always been a core tenet here at Primate,” Bart said, “and we didn’t want to lose sight of that philosophy. So, I’ve made it very clear to the team that they can work any six days of the week they want. Except Sundays, of course."
Is remote working still a possibility?
“Absolutely. We’re never going to backtrack on our work-from-home policy. That would be immoral. However, we do have an office that we’re paying for and I hate the thought of it lying empty, so we’ve decided to introduce core office hours for the team. Monday to Saturday, 9am to 5pm.”
The stats speak for themselves.
Team morale is at an all time high
Rebecca McIntyre-Smith, Managing Partner, staff advocate, and all round client kraken, discusses how the news has impacted employee wellbeing and happiness.
"Our team is hilarious," Rebecca laughed. "They all sent me emails saying they were quitting immediately. What larks! You won’t find humour like that in any other agency, trust me!"
When asked if she was worried that the additional working day may impact staff turnover rate, Rebecca commented, “Absolutely not. I know it will be hard work - I’m not a monster - but once our team see how much more money the directors are making, they’ll realise that all of their effort is paying off. It’s win-win! Well, win-lose really, but, hey, that’s capitalism for you.”
Happy April Fools’ Day!
- The Primate Team
